"Dayapp" in the morning sun

We opened the door to the veranda. Bright morning air and birdsong streamed into the living room. With new life and green colours. Blue summer sky. The bread was fresh baked. The coffee just cooked and ready. Even some new cooked eggs.
-Dayapp!, the boss said. It meant that he wanted some of the food. My wife had warmed a bottle of milk to him. He was drinking eagerly. I sliced small pieces of bread with some live patè. He whacked the hand down in the patè and smeared the bread around his face, until it found its way into his mouth. He was chatting away in his own language.
-Oh, really I said. -Well, that might be so.
-Yes, he said. Then he continued his small talk inbetween the bottle of milk and the bread.
We smiled to each other. My wife and I. I felt the pleasant summer air playing around me. The coffee created calm and harmony in my body. The boss started to smear the bread around his small table. Other pieces was thrown down to the floor. I watched under his chair. It was full of small pieces of bread beneath him.
-Dayapp!, he said.
It meant that he had finished eating and wanted to get down from the baby chair.

The dream country

-Jeez! Are you sleeping?
I quickly raised from the sofa. Watched around me. The boss was sitting on the floor, playing with something. On the telly, the Nightgarden was finished, long time ago. It felt like it was just a moment ago when I was dancing around with Hinkel Pinkel and Uppsy Daisy on the green field.
-I was just lying a little bit with my eyes closed, I said.
-Yeah, sure, she said. -Your son has pooed. Can you please change his diaper while I make some breakfast?
A light brown glop was shining up on me. The boss was lying and singing "Ba Ba Black Sheep" with his own lyrics, "daa-daa-da-da". I put the clout under the water, cleaned him, dried him, put on a new, dry diaper. Felt the joy when making him clean and dry. He was lying there, watching me, while he was gabbing in his own language. I raised him on to my arm. Went upstairs. Into the living room I could smell fresh coffee.

Telly vision

Some men was on the stage, singing about someone having a lot of money. Spending them all on new tits. Then there was an old man singing with a young girl on a beach down in a warm country where people spent their holidays. I wondered if this girl was his grandchild or what. Between there was some amateur footage of a hairy man lying in the water. And a young girl in bikini. Then a new video of a strange, rich man with cigar in a bar, with young girls around him.
All of this was music videos. Always with people dancing a strange turning around-dance. The kind of dancing and music that people loved in the Norwegian countryside and forest.
I was so tired when I was staring at this ancient, Scandinavian phenomena. I feared that all there was of culture, between the trees in the forest. Was this turning around-dance.
We were saving money. So then we had few channels to choose among. And early in the morning I could only choose one single channel. With this ancient, Norwegian turning around-music.
The boss was drinking happily his tempered milk from the bottle while sitting on the sofa, watching the music videos with interest. He was too young to be critical to it.
The watch was moving slowly downwards.
Then it was there. Finally. Oh, God, this was heaven. When I could change to the starting of the childrens channel, lay down on the sofa, feel the warm and small body of the boss resting towards me and listening to the well known music of In The Night Garden.

Morning shock

I was floating with long jumps across the soft moss. I made small piruets. Floated up towards a pine three.
Then a sudden and unexpected scream came. Sharp as a knife. My upper body threw itselt ninety degrees up in the bed. I looked at the watch. Five o´clock. In the morning. My wife was lying with her back towards me, sleeping. Seems like it was my turn. Actually I couldn`t quite remember if it was my turn.
New, terrible screams came from the other room. This time more impatient and commanding. I threw my legs on to the floor. Found some clothes. But couldn`t find my socks. It got quiet inside the children room when the sound of my bare feets where stumping on the cold floor in the passage room. I opened the door to his room.
-Aaiiiiiiii!!!
A happy one year old boy stood in his bed with his teat. He lifted his arms up to me. I could feel his soft and warm pyjamas to my body. One of his arms was holding around my shoulder. His legs hang around my stomach and back. The good smell of his soft hair. He watched with expectation around himself when I carried him up the stairs to the living room.
I stumbled to the television. The only program it could offer this time in the morning, was some awful, Norwegian countryside music videos. It was the same music every morning. But the boss, with his wide open eyes, was happy, sitting in the sofa.

Evening thoughts

-It`s lovely, she said.
She was out at the veranda. Watched out at the sky.
-Was it good, this English crime on the telly, I asked.
-Pff, she replied. -I know you don`t like that one. But, yes, I think it`s good.
I watched her. Her body was soft and nice shaped after the birth. Her eyes had some new, beautiful lines.
This universe of a woman. All her struggle. She had turned her sword against creeping snakes. To protect the deerest. The struggle had made her a bit weaker. But still she was so strong. I admired it. She was a guide, able to help people. She could help me, too, away from my deamons. If I accepted it.
The evening sun suddenly shined a moment, before it disappeared under the horizon.
I woke up a bit.
"My God, I´m getting deep" I thought.
-What are you thinking about, she asked.
-Nothing, I said.
-Yeah, sure, she said.
I breathed heavily. Watched at the darkening sky.
-It´s a bit difficult to explain, I said.

Evening

A year had passed. And more than that. The first real summer day had come. I came back late from work. The boss, who had become even more bossy, was sleeping. My wife was lying on the coach, watching English crime on the telly. I went out to the veranda. The air was warm and tender. The sky was yellow on the horizon. Far away, there was an airport. Small airplanes went up and down. So far away I couldn`t hear them. Swallows made acrobatic movements high up in the sky. Knobs were flying in front of my face. Happy voices. From the neighbor, one of our few neighbors, who had a party on their own veranda. And the birds up in the threes were singing and singing.

The conversation

-So, all this has happened, he said. -That`s quite a lot.
I studied my hands. One of my tumbs was scratching on the nail of the other forefinger.
-What do you want to do, now?
I watched up. On the table. It was a pot of water there. And a coffepot. Two glasses and two cups. I watched over to the wall, and a picture of a landscape.
-Well, I said. -Sometimes I think I need to make a choice. Between either one way or the other. Or maybe I might make the best out of both. I don`t know.
-No, he said.
We got silent. Both of us watched out in the air. It wasn`t much more to say. For so long.

Home

He was quiet when we were driving. He was sitting in a new and safe babyseat. My wife was also sitting behind. She continuously checked if everything was okay. She almost didn`t want to leave the hospital. At first she wanted to change the diaper. Then give him some more milk. Then change the diaper again. Then give him some more milk again.
But then we were heading back home. On the side of the road there was empty grain fields. Tired houses. Lawns with easter leaves. And a pale, cold light.
We came up against our house. It was smiling friendly. I stopped the engine.
-Wait with the car door, she said. -I need to dress him first.
-But it`s only five meters to the front door, I said.
-He can`t get cold, she said. -Wait a moment.
She dressed him. Put a blanket around him. Then she breathed. Opened the car door quickly. Held him close to her body. She hurried to the front door and inside. I started to carry the baby equipment and other stuff inside. The house was shaking a bit in excitement. Everything was ready for the new member.

Reward

-Could you get me some lemonade, she asked.
I went out to the kithen on the hospital and found it. Some yellow lemonade. And a cake.
-I think he has pooed. Could you change his diaper?
I went out to the tidy room with the tiny body. Removed some dark, green stuff. Dried him. New diaper. Back to the room where my wife drank the rest of the lemonade.
-How are you, I asked.
-I think I`m getting back some strength, she said.
I watched out of the window. It was some chilly, easter sunshine out there.
-Is it ok if I take a walk outside, I asked. -I need some fresh air.
-I guess that`s fine, she answered.
I breathed the sharp air down to my lunges. Went down a steep pavement. Some cars roared up and down the road beside me. Quite unnoticed of what just had happened to me.
I came inside a shopping centre. Maybe I could find it here. Probably not. But maybe.
I went by a jeweller. Yes, I should go inside. I watched over jewells and rings. This one was nice. And not so expensive. I pointed at it. A woman took it up and put it into a small package.
Happily I kept on. Into a shop with electronics.
-Do you got the new iphone, I asked.
-No, those disappeared the same day they came in, a man said. -But within a month I think we would receive some new. Do you want me to put you up on a list, he asked.
-No thank you I answered.
It wasn`t possible. The phone was very hard to get. Maybe the best was to get back to the hospital.
I passed a new shop with electronics. Went in.
-Do you got the new iphone, I asked.
-Yes, actually, we got one left, a man answered.
-Do you really, I stuttered.
He picked up a box from the desk. And there it was. A brand, new iphone.
I came in to the room in the hospital. The boss was sleeping. My wife was reading a magazine.
-Was it nice outside, she asked.
-Mm. I bought you a present, I said.
She beamed up. Unpacked the small box.
-A gift of love. It`s nice, she said and kissed me. She looked at the jewel and scraped a bit at it with her nail.
-I bought something for myself, too, I said. -I came over the new iphone.
-Oh, really, she said.
I carefully picked the box from the bag. I was so thrilled when I started to open it.

Repair

She was lying pale in bed. The boss was sleeping in a small bed with plastic walls. The light from the window was easter-winther pale too. I was sitting by the end of the bed at a small table, eating a slice of bread.
The nurse came in.
-I`d like to see how things are, she said. -You got a quite nasty cut yesterday, and lost a lot of blood.
The night before, in a mess of a child crying, blood and a placenta, a doctor came in and sewed her. As far as I could remember.
The nurse investigated the mother. Then she turned towards me. I was still sitting at the table chewing the slice of bread. I looked to see if it looked ok, and as far as I could see, it was ok. I nodded to the nurse. But I wasnt quite sure what she said with her look towards me.

Out

He slided out with a crumbled back and strong shoulders. He looked annoyed and wondered around. some scratchy, small sounds of a crow came out of him.
Good God!
It was him!
It was the boss. From that moment when he was out. He showed with all his being that he was a boss. Contempt and strong.
Would you like to cut the string, the nurse asked.
I nodded and made the cut.
He was layed up to her chest.
I watched his firm and powerful, small back. His mouth searched for milk.
And I was sold. Sold to the boss.

The outcome

She breathed. Deep, deep. So deep that I never thought it was possible. She blew up two big hamster cheeks. Her teeth bit herself into her lips. The eyes tight and closed. Her hands got white when holding around the bed. Her whole body got tight. Her face got more and more red. it was blood red. No, blue red.
It was in that moment that a lightning stroke down on me. It lasted just a few seconds. But within those seconds it opened up a...a revealing. I could see. What was the genesis to everything.
A star had grown so big that it exploded. So strong that it made a black hole. Which sucked all life around. But then created something new. A new galaxy was slowly created, with billions of new stars. An eternal rotation between death and life.
Our earth is balancing on a sharp blade. Our star might just grow a little bit. And it will give us mortal heath and energy instead of the amount that is life supporting today. But because the earth is placed where it is placed, we get just a suitable amount of heath and energy. So far. Small and big meteors are passing by. If we get hit by a suitable big one, it will destroy the most on the planet. But because other planets are placed where they are placed, they protect us from the meteors. So far. The earth is like an egg. A thin shell on the outside. And a boiling magma which does everything to get out of the shell. Sometimes a small amount manages to get out. But mainly just a little bit. So far.
The life. It fights to have a place. And the genesis of the life. Is in this woman. The woman is the giving of life. And protector against all dangers. Against nuclear weapons and pollution. It`s just a finger on a button. And everything is deleted. The woman protects her child as best as she can. Against soldiers who rape and kill. She is working and struggling to make ends meet. While her husband is playing cards and drinking in a bar. She sacrifices everything. Gives an endless amount of love which life depends on to exist. And is rewarded with eternal pain. Numbers of menstruations, migraine, unease, violent men, pelvic pains, births with such a pain so deep that it gets into the deepest. And children who leave her at the end, without giving back any kind of thank you.
All this. Was what I saw in this blue red face. She had sacrificed so much. Struggled herself through a jungle. Pushed herself between narrow walls of negative powers. And still. She was capable of giving away an ocean of love and care. Which gave her such a tremendous force.
-I think something is happening now, the nurse said suddenly.

Harmageddon

It came in waves. Shaking. Roaring. The whole hospital was shaking. Then it calmed down a bit. She breathed. Fast. Then it built itself up again. Her hand grabbed my t-shirt. She shaked me up and down like a plastic ball. She roared.
-You gotta open up, a nurse said. She wanted to bend her legs more apart.
-It wont go, I said. She`s got pelvic pain.
It was impossible. Two forces in a wild battle. About going in or out.
-How was I, she asked. Inbetween the breathing pauses.
-It was better now, I said and tried to smile. -You`re good. The last one was very good.
She grinned.
-Come on, a nurse said. -Now push all you got.
She pinched her eyes together. Put the pressure on.
-Hnng-g-g-g-g-g.....
A glass of water on the nighttable started to vibrate. The bed was shaking a bit. The walls started to squeak. The asphalt outside at the parking lot made small cracks. Just beside our car. The wind blew up. Sailed over the three tops. Made the forest mumble with unease. The waves out in the ocean started to raise. The sun pushed out several, small explosions. The galaxy was spinning faster. The universe...pulled itself together...this might turn into a new, big bang...it could happen now....
-g-g-g-g-g-g-gAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhh.......
-I could see his head slightly, the nurse said. -But then he turned back inside again.
How could this get? It was impossible. Against such forces, even she had to give up.
-Now how was I, she asked and breathed.
-Yes, now it was very good, I said. -This time you were really good...
-You got to work harder, the nurse said. -Next time, you need to push with all you got. It`s no use with this small work. If not, we`ll keep on for many, many hours.
Then it built itself up again.
-Hm-hm-hm-hm-hm....
I moved myself downwards, to help keeping her knee up. I watched to see if I could see anything. But I couldn`t.
-Come on, the nurse said. -Now push.
-Come on, I thought. For Gods sake! Push!, Push....push...

On our way

-Oooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhh........
Her hand was hanging locked in the handle of the car. Her body was halfway lying, halfway sitting in the car seat.
The road was dark. The car was humming evenly. When she wasnt howling, it was only this humming we could hear.
Should I speed up, over the limit, to get faster to the hospital? Or could it be dangerous? What if we had a car crash? But what if the baby came out?
-Ooooooooooooooooooohhhhh......
I decided to keep the speed limit. I watched concentrated into the darkness. Black forest all around. Black forest and black darkness. No moose had to come in our way now. No open road robbers. No sneaking diseases. Nothing had to get in our way.
-Oooooooooooooohhhh....
Yes. I guess this had to be painful for her. No doubt about it. So painful that it was beyond the imagination of us men. Apparently. And now her howling came up more and more.
I turned up the the hospital. Damn! Where was I supposed to drive? I stopped the car. Fumbled with the cellular phone.
-What are you doing, she asked, inbetween her hyperventilation and moaning.
Where was that phone number? Then I found it, stuttered a question, searched for a door. Some white dressed nurses came out with a wheel bed. My wife got out of the car. Managed to crawl up in the bed. Then they were rolling into the corridor.

Time`s up

I was up again. Looked out of the morning window. Not much new to see.
My God! To be absent from work for one week had one large consequence; It was an ocean of unfinished work lying ahead of me. A large stack of paper laid on my desk. I turned the paper on the top. Tried to figure it out.
Many had been sick, they told me at work. And many still was. People was washing their hands constantly. I had an urge to scratch my nose. But managed to avoid it. What if, I thought.
A collegue told that a driver was robbed on the road, not far away. Someone was standing by the road, asking for help. When a car stopped, the driver was mugged. The city of cancer was creeping closer and closer.
I turned some more paper. I tried to make a plan. Putting up a time list. To make sure when the first was going to get finished. And then the second. This would take a hell of a time.
Then the cellular phone called.
It was her.
-You`ll have to come, she said.
-What, now? I asked.
-Yes, now! It`s time.
-But...-No but, she interrupted me. -Just come! Now!

Better

I had survived.
And at the moment life was quite good, actually. I got used to letting the job and the rest of the world sail away. The thought was intoxicated. To just having myself to care about.
I got better. But I had to stay in bed a bit more, to stay in quarantene. I was reading a book. Watching television. Listening to music. I did everything I wanted.
And my wife served me with dinner. And everything else.
-Is there anything you need, she asked.
-Maybe some juice, I answered.
Her stomach was enormous. It must have goten even bigger since last time I saw her. She put a glas of juice on the stairs.
-How are you, she asked.
-Better, I replied. -But I need to stay in bed for a little longer.

Sicker

The breath. It went in and out. At first it went in. Then it pored slowly out again. And that`s how it went. The roof was over me. The bed under me. Handkerchiefs, used and unused layed on the pillow beside me. A pot of warm juice on the floor.
-Is there something you would like to have, I heard from the floor beneath.
I breathed in. Then out. Then in again.
-No, I breathed out.
I sailed into a place of nothing. It was nothing there. I was nothing. The breath. I had to concentrate on breathing. It teared me out again. The roof was over me. The bed under me. And the breath went in and out.

Sick

Then it was morning again. I went up early. So early that I guessed no one else was up. I wanted to get early to work. So that I could prepare myself some more.
I watched out the dark window. A car passed by in a high speed (someone had been up earlier than me). The wheels was growling against the gravel road. It lasted just a moment. Then the car was gone. Why did this car pass our house? In such a speed?
I put the radio on. It told me the same news as yesterday. I made some coffee. Fixed some other stuff. Went outside.
It was still early when I went out of the bus, and into the office. No one else was there. The lights and the pipes was humming. I tried to prepare. But no matter how early I was, the time went too quick. My colleagues came. One by one. Said hello. And then it started.
During the afternoon I called home to ask if it was ok to work some extra. I wanted to prepare myself some more.
Then. While I was sitting there. I could feel it. My back was aching. And soon the rest of the body. I got dizzy. And warm.
Shit, shit, shit! This couldn`t happen. There was so much I needed to do.
-My God, my wife said. -Get up to the loft, and stay there!
She stayed into the corner while I stumbled up the stairs.
-I guess you`re fingers has been up your nose. No wonder why you have got infected. Just stay up there, far away from me. I`ll put some food to you on the stairs.
I put my body into the guest bed.
The yellow light was singing around in a circle over my head. It was spinning and spinning. Faster and faster. And the work. And everything I could`nt do. And outside maybe some criminals was lurking. And the child. Shit, the child! Maybe it got infected too. And the light was speding up now. It was roaring. Around and around.

Going back

It was late when I took the bus home again. I watched the landscape passing by the bus window. It wasn`t much changed since the morning.
-It`s some dinner in the kitchen, my wife said when I came inside the door. I found the food. It was cold.
-How are you, I asked.
She was lying on the sofa with a huge balloon.
-I just wish I could get this overwith, she answered.
I put a cold sausage into my mouth.
It was new on the television. A bank was robbed earlier in the big town. It started to become a habit. The criminality increased dramatically, they said.
I sometimes wondered if it was smart or not to keep all the lights in the house shut at night. Maybe none could see us then. But at the same time someone might think that the house was empty. And try to rob it. Visible or not visible. If I should respond to my inner feelings, it would be not visible. So the lights would be shut tonight again.
The news came up with a new one. About the big disease. More and more got infected. Someone had died.
-My God, my wife said. -This might be dangerous for our child that is coming soon. You gotta make sure that you don`t get infected. After all, you`re out there among all these people.
I stuck my fork into a potato.

The Cafe

It was humming around me. From people sitting around the tables, with coffee cups and sugar breads. And from busy people hasting beside the cafe, with shopping bags. The humming was cirkling around, up and up to the ceiling, high up in the big shopping centre.
An old man with a grey jacket and and a sixpence and an old woman with a fur was sitting at one of the tables. The old man was talking. A lot.
-It seems like I talk too much, he said.
-Oh, nooo, the woman said. -It`s not a log at all.
-But you can just tell me if you think I talk too much, he said.
-Oh, yes, but no, that`s no problem. I think it`s just cosy when you are chatting, the woman said.
-But you can just tell me if you think it get`s too much, he said.